remember, remember, the ninth of november
do you remember it at all?
do you remember january, april, september, december (every beginning)
do you remember april, may, october, february (every end)
ferris wheels make me sick
but i’ve spent the last year with enough chemicals to breathe at the top
such a shame those moments were so brief
such a shame, how much we fall
this is number fifty in an untitled series
and i want it to be the conclusion but i know it won’t
because i can’t even go outside without thinking of you
and every ray of sun reminds me of the words you should’ve read
and the words i never wrote
i don’t know how to let go
i’ve spent so long holding on that part of me wants to believe this will still pay off
but what it’s costing tonight is almost too much

i’m glad you fell directly into someone else’s arms
i’ve been there before, it’s a good way to land
i just didn’t realize how cold the floor is for the one that’s left
but i’m justifying everything i’ve done
with the fact that i’ve never held on during late nights -
during pixelated proof that you were so many firsts
during every word i thought was meant for the person lying underneath but evidently wasn’t -
i’ve never held on during sleepless saturdays
just to leave on wednesday
but genuinely, i wish you the best
i could never wish you anything else even if i wanted to
i just wish the definition of best held true to december’s words

(do you remember “i think it means a lot that we always end up back here” do you remember “nothing is gonna stop us” i know this might be too far but i can’t forget and i need to know how much you meant and how much of what i lost was my fault
i keep looking back and you’d never guess who came up in your next sentence, we should’ve known
all these words just make this worse)

i don’t want to say that you’ve broken my heart
because it’s (un/fortunately) still keeping time
but if you have to reset a pulse at least once a month
you might lose track of where you started
you might lose track of who you are
and i am so far from
the ninth of november (remember, remember)
do you remember it at all?